Talking to kids about sex

Growing concerns: the birds and the bees

With kids being exposed to sexuality at an earlier age thanks to the media, music, movies and TV it’s more important than ever that parents tell all…

We don’t know how to broach the subject of sex with our children!

My husband and I both grew up in homes where no one ever talked about sex. We want to do things differently with our children, but we need some guidance about when and how to take on this touchy subject!

Dr Erickson says…

For many adults, one of the most uncomfortable tasks of parenting is talking to their kids about sex. It used to be that parents had a talk about ‘the birds and the bees’ as their children approached adolescence. But today even very young children often see or hear explicit sexual information through TV, music, or from older children. In a world filled with casual and often negative images of sexuality, it’s more important than ever that parents take responsibility for giving their kids good, age-appropriate information, communicating important values about love, respect and healthy sexual behavior. Here are some general guidelines:

• Start early so that it’s a natural, matter-of-fact part of your child's learning. With very young children this means teaching them about body parts and functions and answering all of their ‘what's this?’ and ‘why's that?’ questions! It’s in these early years that you begin to establish an atmosphere of openness and trust.
• Keep it simple When your children ask questions, it's important to give them straightforward answers in language they can understand. Sometimes parents offer much more information than their children want or need but if you take your cues from your children, they’ll usually let you know when they’re ready for more information.
• Be approachable With words and nonverbal communication, give your children a clear message that they always can come to you. If they ask things about your own sex life – as children often do – set clear boundaries but don't shame them for asking (for example, you might smile and say, ‘There are some things that are private for me -- just as there are for you.")
• Monitor what they see and hear When your children are young it's important to regulate what they see and hear on TV and in movies. Then as they get older, it's important to mediate what they see and hear by discussing it with them. It’s your job as a parent to to communicate values about sex and relationships, making sure that children have a healthy context for thinking about this important aspect of life.
• Set an example The best thing parents can do is give their children a model of a loving, respectful relationship that includes sex and romance, as well as deep friendship and trust.   

 

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