What causes tantrums

What is a tantrum?

Tantrums are pretty much your child’s emotional explosions! Some result from anger and temper, where the child stamps, kicks, hits and screams; while others are distress-related, where they cry, sob and throw themselves on the floor. They’re usually most common in the toddler years, and become easier to handle once a child develops better language skills.

 

Some points to think about…

• Tantrums are part of normal developmental behavior for children aged 1-3 and over. They’re not really ‘naughty’ or deliberately intended to wind you up!

• It’s been estimated that tantrums occur at least once a week in 50-80% of children, and one 2-year-old in five has at least two tantrums a day.

• Tantrums need an audience… ask yourself: when has your child ever poped into the next room to have one in private!

• While tantrums can be wearing, remember that many behaviors we value in adults, such as having your own ideas and being assertive, have their roots in ‘difficult’ toddler behavior!

Tantrum triggers

If you can pinpoint what sets off your child it makes it easier to cut tantrums off at the pass…

• Frustration, often due to limited language or lacking the skills to complete tasks – for example getting stuck with a t-shirt halfway on, or a piece of puzzle that won’t fit.

• Hunger or tiredness. Those buttons are much easier to press if your child’s already cranky because he’s tired or lunch is late!

• Wanting things they can’t have whether it’s sweets at the checkout, one more video, or a friend’s toy.

• Wanting independence. Toddlers want to walk, not ride in the stroller, choose their own clothes or brush his own teeth – and Mom or Dad stepping in to help can push them over the edge.

• Overstimulation. Common during exciting events such as birthday parties or Christmas.

• Attention seeking. If previous tantrums got lots of attention, this can become a pattern as kids grow.
  

• Emotional overload. When your toddler is trying to cope with the world and the many new experiences he has every day, some things can be the last straw.

Tantrum myths

• “I must be a useless parent if my child has so many tantrums.” While loving, positive parenting can help keep tantrums to a minimum, other factors – such as your child’s temperament or the level of frustration he feels – will also have an influence. No matter how great a parent you are, most toddlers will have a tantrum at some stage!

• “My child does it deliberately when we’re out to embarrass me.” Nope – toddlers really don’t think that way! All their behavior is an expression of their own needs and feelings. They’re not trying to get at you (even though it can sometimes feel like that!).

• “My child saves her tantrums for me – she’s good as gold at daycare.” Believe it or not, this is a compliment! Your child feels most emotionally secure with you, and knows you’ll still love her no matter how she behaves. After being on their  ‘best behavior’ all day at daycare, it’s common for toddlers to boil over with their parents.

 

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