Are you doing too much for your child?
Research from the University of Illinois says that parents who offer too much reassurance and advice to their children rob them of the opportunity to learn how to manage their problems. You may have the best intentions when you try to ‘failure-proof’ your child – but kids need to make their own mistakes in order to learn independence. If they don’t get some practice in working out solutions by themselves they may grow up ill-equipped to deal with emotional conflict.
If you can resist the urge to step in and micromanage your child she’ll grown up with the confidence and strength of mind to face consequences, confront issues and take risks where necessary. But just how do you do that when every instinct screams at you to protect and serve?
If you spend all your time trying to make your child feel happy, you effectively ‘sanitize’ her childhood. She won‘t get the chance to learn how to feel happy by herself or become confident in her ability to make decisions and cope with frustration
Let her make decisions
Kids who aren’t allowed to weigh up choices and make their own decisions can end up distrusting their own instincts and abilities. Think about some areas where you’re willing to step back: for example, choosing clothes, where you can set a budget and make it clear that clothes have to meet the school dress code and then let her choose; managing homework, where you could stop chasing and let her deal with the consequences of missing a deadline; or relationships with friends, where you can stop interceding to solve arguments.
Help her deal with disappointment
Too much sympathy from mom and dad can make small problems seem like big ones and give your child the impression that the world is out to get her. Don’t make a big issue of it when things don’t go to plan – instead, encourage your child to think about how she can turn a situation around to her benefit and praise her for the effort she has made, even if the result wasn’t quite what she hoped for. You’re teaching her resilience and perseverance: totally necessary life skills.
Try to accept that kids need to feel bad sometimes. They learn through their experiences – even the bad ones
Keep minor problems mimimal!
Think about it: sometimes your child might mention a problem that isn’t actually a big deal to them, just something that’s niggling at the back of their mind. But all of a sudden it becomes huge – and why? Because you picked it up and ran with it! She scored a B on a spelling test she should have got an A for if her teacher hadn’t misread a word that was actually spelt right? He didn’t get picked for the basketball team even though Coach knows he’ great at it, because he was feeling sick and didn’t do well at the try-outs? Any time you’re tempted to go in with both barrels blazing, ask yourself if it matters more to you than it does your child.
Avoid competing with other parents
Parenting isn’t a competition and just because you see your kids’ parents getting involved at every turn doesn’t mean you have to. Trying to outdo every other parent on the block when it comes to being here for your child will ultimately lead to disappointment and even more mommy guilt when you can’t meet your child’s inflated expectations of you.