Does spanking work?
This week, in the explosive third season premiere of Supernanny, Jo takes on the Bowerstock family, dealing with the high levels of aggression and stress in this household. Mom and dad need all the help they can get to tame their three wild kids, who literally laugh in mom's face when she tries to discipline them. But Jo takes issue with parents Jenniffer and Thad’s old school parenting methods, introducing Supernanny techniques into the household instead of the yelling, hitting and smacking which has become the norm.
Tackling taboos
Like many children across America, the Bowerstock kids have grown to expect a spank for bad behavior. So, are Supernanny's anti-smacking techniques against the grain of our society? After all, many of us have been spanked by our parents, and would be prepared to use corporal punishment, when necessary, with our own kids.
Research tells a different tale
Jo sees the Bowerstock family is stuck in a rut: mom and dad feel that spanking is the only way to make their unruly kids listen, and the kids behavior just gets worse when they feel they’ve been unfairly disciplined. It's making the whole family miserable, generally upping aggression levels, and everyone feels a need for change.
In fact, whilst a smack may seem to be a quick fix, research suggests corporal punishment may reduce a parent’s influence over their children in the long term. And, whilst most of us are OK with our parents spanking us, as many as one in seven children will develop severe depression as an adult because of it. Professor Murray Straus, Co-Director of the Family Research Laboratory says our society's attitude to the effects of corporal punishment is similar to our attitude to the effects of smoking: a third of heavy smokers die of it. That means that two thirds of people can say “I smoked and I’m OK”, just as people say “I was spanked and I’m not depressed”. Both these responses are true, but the implication is not that smoking and spanking are OK, but that they are among the lucky ones.
Parents of toddlers will be intrigued to hear the results of Professor Straus’ study to find which of an array of discipline methods, was the most effective: turns out (as many parents will have suspected all along) that no matter how you choose to discipline your 2 year old, there’s an 80% chance of her repeating her bad behavior that same day and an astounding 50% chance of her doing it again within two hours. Seems just making the house rules clear and constantly reminding her of them might be our best form of defense against persistent re-offenders!
Parenting: the hardest job with the least training?
Part of the popularity of shows like Supernanny is that parents are often overwhelmed by the job of disciplining their kids in modern society, feel poorly equipped for the task at hand and are actively looking for answers. Supernanny.com gets inundated by emails from parents who are exasperated by their children, have exhausted various parenting and feel judged by their friends and family for their children’s ‘naughty’ behavior.
Supernanny’s techniques answer parents' calls to give them strategies and tried and tested techniques to stay positive and stay in control. Systematic use of these strategies can help stop bad behavior, and what’s more, they are designed to minimize the time families spend in conflict: everyone knows the rules, the consequences, and knows how and when to move on from a bad moment.
Tips for disciplining without spanking...
- Pick a few, basic rules and stick to them Check out the Supernanny house rules. There’s no quick fix, so a long term approach and consistency are key. Get everyone who looks after the children on board from the beginning, and be prepared for the long haul.
- Give clear consequences for breaking the rules Check out how these families used the naughty step as a form of time out, or take a look at the one strike and you’re out technique for older children.
- Toddlers have trouble following rules. Distract or involve younger children, don’t be hard on yourself and remember they’re likely to do it again whatever you do!
- Positive praise and attention can be more effective than a telling off. A reward chart is great for getting kids on board with a new regime, whilst the shared chore technique works wonders with arguing siblings.
- Don’t give up! Remember that it’s the persistence of the parent to implement a thorough discipline regime, rather than the type of punishment you use, that’s sure to influence the long term results.