Is your child too busy?
When Supernanny Jo Frost visited the Duan-Ahn family she found that kids Christopher, 9, Isabella, 7, twins Lawrence and Benjamin, both 6, and Charlotte, 5, were overscheduled and overwhelmed. With all of their classes, tutoring sessions and hobbies, the kids had no time for play. And the Duan-Ahn children aren’t alone – enrolling kids in too many activities is a nationwide phenomenon among parents who believe they’re not doing a good job if their kids aren’t involved (and doing well) in a range of sports and clubs.
Kids under stress
As parents we have the very best of intentions when we expose them to extracurricular activities and we often sacrifice our own time driving them all over town. We want our kids to have a rich, varied and happy childhood – but there’s a risk all the extras could ratchet up their list of responsibilities to the extent that juggling them causes stress. It also means our kids have little space to breathe – the fabled ‘me-time’ all moms long for – and be creative without being guided or supervised by adults. They can miss out on vital childhood experiences…
- Unstructured play Young children learn through play and some of it needs to be unstructured so they can pursue their own interests.
- Family time Do your overscheduled kids get to spend any time just hanging out with you and talking?
- Self-discovery Organized activities can prevent kids from finding out who they are and what they’re interested in. To do this they need time to read, think, dream, create and explore.
Parents tend to see extra-curricular activities as a way of helping their kids’ personal growth and development and increasing their social circle, as well as improving their academic performance
The ups and downs of keeping kids busy…
The important thing to remember when it comes to kids’ activities is that it may not be the activities per sé that are the problem. In fact they’re beneficial to our kids – studies have shown that kids who do sports are more self-confident, do better academically and are less likely to engage in risky behavior. And it can’t be denied that any activity that gets kids moving is a great way of getting them away from the TV or computer and ensuring they get the exercise that combats childhood obesity. And that’s why after-school activities have become the norm.
But ask yourself if you might be pushing your child to succeed where you didn’t, reliving your childhood dreams through them. Or could you be buckling under social pressure; trying to keep up with the Joneses, whose kids all go to chess club, piano lessons, scouts, cheerleading, Little League… or could it be that you think your child will feel you’re denying them opportunities if you draw the line? And what happens if your child starts to burnout? Some research indicates that 70% of kids quit playing their favorite sport by their teens – the excuse most gave inn the study was that they were under too much pressure and it was no longer fun.
Finding a balance
For most families, limiting the amount of time your kids spend doing extra activities is all you need to do to de-stress them and free up some downtime. Try scheduling in a time-out night, where you don’t do anything at all except hang out at home as a family…
- Pick and choose activities carefully, asking yourself if the benefits outweigh the time, effort and investment that accompany them. Try Supernanny’s pick and choose technique.
- Keep your child busy doing nothing Nothing structured that is – instead, go for a walk, play a board game, read a book… but avoid vegging in front of the TV.
- Stop competing with other parents Their circumstances may make it easy for them to do it their way but you need to do it your way – the way that’s right for your kids.
- Vary sports Sport is a positive pursuit for kids and helps them stay fit or healthy, but avoid organized sports that are too competitive and introduce your child to a range of sports instead of focusing obsessively on just one.
- Bond as a family Mealtimes are ideal for family time (and research shows that teens benefit personally and academically from eating meals with their parents); or schedule a game night where you play Scrabble or card games.
- Draw up a family plan that lists the time and location of all your children’s activities so they don’t worry about where they’re supposed to be and when.