The limitations technique

The limitations technique

When Supernanny Jo Frost visited singer Wendy Wilson of Wilson Phillips, and her husband Dan Knutson, she found the couple were polar opposites when it came to the way they approached parenting issues such as routines and discipline.

When Supernanny pressed them on the matter, they revealed they’d been brought up very differently – Dan had been raised with routines and rules whereas Wendy, whose dad is Brian Wilson of The Beach Boys, hadn’t. Jo was sure this was one of the main reasons they didn’t seem able to get on the same page when it came to parenting.

Recognizing the limits your own childhood places on you as a parent can be a big help when it comes to approaching issues with your own kids. Work out what’s holding you back with Supernanny’s limitations technique…

Step 1: Think about your childhood

Consider what kind of atmosphere you were raised in. Were your parents strict disciplinarians or free and easy when it came to behavior issues? Were your boundaries made clear to you or did you make them up as you went along? Did family life have structure and routines or did your folks prefer to take things as they came?

Step 2: Pinpoint your parenting style

Relate what you’ve thought about to the way you parent your own children. For instance, if your parents were particularly strict do you tend to go in the opposite direction? If your family life as a child was unstructured, do you tend towards a rigid routine?

Step 3: Recognize your limitations

Accept that the issues you’ve considered affect the way you parent. Are you afraid to discipline because you don’t want your children to feel as constricted by rules as you did? This may go to fear: fear that your kids won’t love you if you set rules for them. Are you inflexible when it comes to rules and structure? This may well go to a subconscious belief that your parents didn’t do things that way because they weren’t really interested in parenting and didn’t invest much time in caring for you.

Step 4: Wipe the slate clean

You’ve faced up to the fact that you have certain fears and limitations when it comes to parenting that may well be throwbacks to your own childhood. But you aren’t your parents and you can choose to learn from what they did, not be led by it. Wipe those limitations off the slate, mentally and visually – and start anew with a clean slate.

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