The potty regression technique
If you thought diapers were a thing of the past with your toddler or preschooler, you may get a nasty shock if there are big lifestyle changes in your family. Starting at a new preschool, moving to a new house and, above all, getting a new baby brother or sister, can send older children right back to the baby stage. You might find they become clingy and less independent, and they may rediscover babyish habits they’d outgrown.
When Supernanny visited singer Wendy Wilson and husband Dan Knutson, the couple had just had new baby twins – and son Beau, 3, had become a textbook example of regression. Not only was he hanging onto his pacifier for comfort; he’d also had to go back into diapers after having learned to use the potty. Try this technique if you’re having the same problem with your child…
Step 1: Find out why
Ask your child why he doesn’t want to use his potty or the toilet. It’s possible something might have happened to him while using them – perhaps he got scared because he nearly fell off the toilet or lost his balance getting up from the potty and fell over; or it may be that while you were using a public toilet the auto-flush came on before he’d finished. There could also be a physical reason – is he constipated or has he had a recent attack of constipation that could have made pooping uncomfortable?
Step 2: Don’t be negative
Since your child has likely regressed to get more of your attention, he won’t care what form it takes – even negative attention is attention. Clear up any accidents without comment and as quickly as you can so that you’re not rewarding him for what he’s done.
Step 3: Reinforce potty training
After you’ve cleaned up, sit your child on his potty or the toilet to reinforce the fact that it’s what he should have done in the first place. Remind him too: “When you need to go potty you have to come to the bathroom – it’s your job to do that so we don’t have accidents”. This way you underline the fact that its his responsibility.
Step 4: Make him feel like a big boy
If the regression is linked to a new baby in the family, stress the differences between him and his new brother or sister – “you’re my big boy – it’s so nice you can be such great company for me when all the baby does is cry and sleep”; “look at this mess Ella made in her diaper – I’m so glad you’re a big boy and you can go potty”. Give him the attention he craves – but give it to him for his big-boy habits. Remember all the praise and attention you gave him when he first learned to use the potty? Try doing that again: “wow, you’re so clever you can use the potty instead of a diaper! I wish Ella was that smart”.
Step 5: Be consistent
Don’t be tempted to go back to diapers or pull-ups with your child. It’ll just confuse him at a time when you want to reinforce a skill you know he has already learned.