Let go and let them grow!
As your helpless, needy baby grows into an independent little person who knows his own mind it can be challenging for you, as well as him. Growing up is inevitable, but letting go can be one of the most difficult things a parent has to do, reckons Supernanny’s resident psychologist, Victoria Samuel. “Parents have two conflicting roles,” she says. “We nurture but we also have to support our child’s independence. It can be really painful to shift from one mode to the other.”
Independence day
There’s something so magical about your babe in arms and all the unconditional love he lavishes on you – after all, how often are you given the impression that you’re the most important person in the world? But as your baby grows older he’ll start to assert himself more and more and as he starts to want to do things on his own – saying no to the outfit you choose or batting away the spoon you try to feed him with – it can seem like rejection.
“A lot of parents see the process of letting go as proof they aren’t needed,” says Victoria. “It’s tough, but if you’re babying your child too much, you do need to step back a tad. You don’t want to hold your child back – both you and he need to learn just what he’s capable of doing.”
Becoming a parent can sometimes seem like the route to a lifetime of worry and rejection. It starts with the move from baby to toddlerhood, accelerates as your child starts school, and doesn’t stop after that! As any parent of a teen will tell you, letting go and allowing your child to do his own thing doesn’t get any easier! Just wait until they leave home…
“Autonomy is essential and inevitable,” says Victoria. “Look at other parents and their children – you can always learn from them. Children have to do things for themselves, and the more you do things for them, the more it sends them a message that they’re not capable. That’s not good for their self-confidence.”
The cute little baby stage doesn’t last forever, so enjoy it while you can. But remember: the magic doesn’t stop just because your child learns to say no or tell you he wants to do it himself. Each stage brings its own fantastic adventure, from getting mobile to learning to talk, through learning to read. And as your child grows you’ll both enjoy the ability to have ‘proper’ conversations about things which interest you, from baseball to music to movies.
Your child needs to grow up, and you need to let him. It’s vital for his self-esteem that he becomes self-sufficient, but it doesn’t mean that your role as a parent has become redundant. You’ll just be needed in a different way!
Tips for letting go…
- Allow your child to try to do things for himself, even if means making a mess. This may mean spending more time at the table as he tries to feed himself, or him wearing an outfit that you don’t really like.
- Listen to your child If you’re treating him like a baby, he may well tell you – you need to make sure you take note.
- Don’t hover Let your child know that you’re there if he needs you, but that you’re also giving him the space he needs.